2.
The coffee convo:
2y.o eating his lunch: “Papa’s coffee hot?”
Me: “Yeah baby it’s hot, don’t touch.”
2y.o: “Me blow on it for Papa?”
It was at this point I witnessed with horror, my 2y.o attempt to blow on my freshly made coffee, only to spit a half eaten chicken nugget straight into it..
Twitter: @papaneedscoffee
4.
The school convo:
my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”
Twitter: @ceciatl
7.
The bat convo:
I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches
Twitter: @tragicallyhere
8.
The bleach convo:
*Opens bottle of bleach*
Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn’t open.
Me : Oh it’s coz it has a child safety lock. Children can’t open it.
*nephew looks at bottle in amazement*
Nephew : How did it know I was a child?🤣🤣🤣
Twitter: @azedi
10.
The dinner convo:
3: Mommy, I don’t want dinner!!
Me: I’m not making dinner, I’m making you a big snack
3: Yay! Snacks!
𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀
Twitter: @kids_kubed
11.
The toast convo:
Toddler: Daddy I want toast.
Me: ok, buddy. Here’s some toast.
Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast
Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go.
Toddler: Thanks Daddy!
Toddlers are dumb. Take advantage of it while you can.
#Dadlife
Twitter: @twinzerdad
15.
The smell convo:
9-year old: Dad smell this. You licked a puss.
Me: [mutes TV] what
9-year old: it’s so good. Smell it. You licked a puss.
Me: …
9-year old: [hands me a candle jar]
Me. It’s *eucalyptus*
Twitter: @ramzy
17.
The souvenir convo:
@Karnythia I woke up to 3 yo kid #4 petting my head. I asked what she needed and she said ‘i wish i had a piece of you that i could carry with me all the time. like your finger.’ Haven’t slept soundly since.
Twitter: @mmbtox
20.
The inside convo:
4: Mom, how long was dad inside you?
Me:
4: Mom???
Me: What the f-
4: Well??? How long was he inside you before you had him?
Me: Oh honey no I didn’t birth your dad, grandma did!
Twitter: @mom_tho
21.
The crying convo:
(4yo daughter is crying her eyes out)
Me: “What’s wrong, tutu?”
4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): “If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!”
Me: “But your fingers…are not…markers?”
4yo (peak distress): “I said IF!”
Twitter: @tomerullman
22.
The table convo:
Kids are the best, man. They get all shocked when you figure out they did something wrong like, “mom how’d you know I colored on the table?” Um, because you wrote your fucking name on it?
Twitter: @Fiveoclockmommy
26.
The glasses convo:
We cant find my 6 year olds glasses. Today we asked him where they are. He said and I quote “I threw them in the garbage yesterday, the lenses were dirty”.
$400 – see yeah!
Twitter: @jessemodz
30.
The quesadilla convo:
32.
The air convo:
My son keeps grabbing fists of air and screaming ‘mine’. My daughter is crying saying Tj is stealing my air….they are in my bedroom, on a Saturday morning….😪😪😪
Twitter: @knowbuntu
33.
And the confetti convo:
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